Insomia and Coffee
by CSI Torchwood
Summary: This is what happens when you give a CSI-crazed insomniac coffee at 00:14. You have been warned. Be careful reading this, or you may get Burked. Nothing but the characters are based on reality.
1. Season 1

Insomnia and Coffee

This is what happens when you give a CSI-crazed insomniac coffee at 00:14. You have been warned. Be careful reading this, or you may get Burked. Nothing but the characters are based on reality.

"Sara, can you tell the **Pilot** that there has been a **Cool Change **in the engines." Catherine Willows said to her co-worker, Sara Sidle. "Sure, what happened?" Sara asked back, slowly making her way to the cock-pit, to see Pilot Ecklie and Co-Pilot Grissom. "You know we're doing that **Crate 'n Burial **service. Well, the crate blocked the AC, we're gunna have to wait a while before we even start **Pledging Mr. Johnson **at court." "Whatever happened to Mr. Johnson. Were he and that girl **Friends & Lovers?**" Sara asked back. "Seems that way, quick, go tell Ecklie."When Sara entered the cock-pit, she could hear the radio controller trying to identify who they were. "_I'll ask again, Sir, __**Who Are You**__?_" "This is Pilot Ecklie for Charlie Sierra Indigo 002 requesting permission to land, we are here to look at those **Blood Drops **that we got an **Anonymous **tip about, but using your phones." "_Sorry CSI002, you do not have permission to land._" "Please, we have to land, we have dangerous equipment aboard, and these are **Unfriendly Skies**. We don't want to take any risks." "_CSI002, we can make an exception, we have reports of a storm, feel free to land, but this is Vegas, CSI002, so be ready for lots of __**Sex, Lies and Larvae**__._" The crew of flight CSI002 fastened themselves and prepared to land. "Did they say Vegas?" Sara asked Grissom. "Yeah, the City of Sin." "There are alot of homicides out here." "I know. This place is famous for all the wrong reasons, **I-15 Murders**." Grissom and Sara stepped of the plane, followed by Catherine and Warrick, and behind them was Nick and Greg, the Pilot Ecklie sulkily walked behind them. They all grimaced when the heat of Nevada hit them. "What the hell, the chart says it can reach temps of **Fahrenheit 932**!" Cath shouted above the sound of the other planes. "You know..." Interrupted Nick, who'd obviously gotten over his travel-sickness, "I don't really like airports, there's always stories about them blowing up, or something." Sara soothed him, "Hey, Nick, i promise you that there are no bombs here, OK?" _**Boom**__! _"Everyone down!" Grissom shouted, and everyone hit the deck. "You promise(?)" Nick shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "**To Halve and to Hold**." Grissom said. "Shakespeare?" Warrick asked. "Sam Braun." "What?" Cath asked. "He said that?" The 7 found their way to a cafe. "I'll order us some **Table Stakes**." Grissom walked off the counter to order. Sara piped up. "Do you guys ever wonder how you're going to die?" "Sometimes, you?" "Yeah." "Don't worry about it, you're **Too Tough To Die**." "Thanks Greg." Warrick turned to Cath. "So, how much was that **Face Lift **you wanted?" "**$35K O.B.O**." "Tell me you're kidding!" "No." Grissom walked over with some drinks that he lowered too quickly, causing them too spill. "Woah, Grissom!" "Jeez!" "**Gentle, Gentle**." "Sorry."The only sounds that filled the diner while theywaited for their food were the **Sounds Of Silence**. That was, of course, until Jim Brass ran in. "Hey, i heard you guys landed! How are you? No, wait, sorry, almost forgot, came to tell you that we won! **Justice Is Served**! And with **Evaluation Day **coming up soon! The **Strip Strangler **got what he deserved! Anyway, tell me about the flight."


	2. Season 2

Sara and Nick sat next to the body. Josh Templman had organs and all of his fingers and toes missing by what looked like someone with surgical expertise. Nick was the first to speak. "I'd have to say this guy got **Burked**." "Burke and Hare." "Yeah." "You think someone was selling body parts?" "It's a theory. All we have to do is probe it." "There have been many unproven theories, Nick." "Name some." "Fine, The Big Bang, Evolution, **Chaos Theory**, religion, Behavior,…" "OK, OK, brain **Overload**!" Sara smirked, knowing she'd won. "Hey, did you ever get bullied?" "Yea, I heard Griss did too." "By who?" "Cath…" "Serious?" "Yea, how about you?" "Yea, I got bullied by kids at my school." "You bullied(!) Never(!)" "Oh, yea! They'd always be giving me wedgies, or flushing me." "That's nothing, I've got a **Bully for You**. A bully is someone who threatens you or your family, not someone who flushes you!" "I got called 'Cowgirl Nicky'!" "I got called 'sui-Sidle'." "Really?" Nick suddenly felt sorry for her. "Why?" Sara stiffened. "Doesn't matter!" She snapped. "Sorry I asked." "I shouldn't have snapped." Nick and Sara processed their scene carefully.

At lake Mead, Gil and Cath were getting kitted up to go get the bodies that were dumped under the lake. They were looking at the dumped van at the edge of a cliff. Grissom looked at it confused. "Mystery Machine?" He pondered aloud. "Scooby Doobie-Doo." Grissom looked at Cath, more confused than before. "Lindsay. She loves Scooby. She wanted to by a dog and call it Scooby, and when I said no, she started calling me Daphne." Grissom raised his eyebrows even further up his head. "Don't worry about it, lets get kitted up, then you have to watch Scooby Doo." Cath walked over to the edge, and looked back at Grissom, still getting his tank fitted. "Come on, **Scuba Doobie-Doo**!" When Gil and Cath has submerged to the right depth, they could see the extent of homicide. They swam back to the surface, and told Brass what was down their. "We found the missing **Alter Boys**, they were obviously **Caged** and tied up, almost like they were** Slaves of Las Vegas**, or something."

At the Bellagio, Warrick and Sofia were investigating the disappearance of 6 adults, all partying in the same room. "So…" Sofia said as she snapped pictures of a gash in the wall, "…there were 6 kids, all in this same room, partying, **and Then There Were None**. And none of them fought back?" Warrick looked up. "Maybe they were _too_ drunk." "This is Vegas."

Back at the lab, Brass was talking to Judy, the receptionist, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned, semi-expecting Cath or Sara, but it wasn't them. "**Ellie**?" "Hi dad."

Sara walked towards Greg. "Turn it down!" "What?" Sara reached forward and turned the song off. "Hey!" "What is that song called?" "**Organ Grinder**." "It's terrible." "Anyway, what's that?" She said, pointing towards an envelope in Greg's hand. "**You've got Male**." "What?" "The finger of you're John Doe." "Oh, good(!)" "Pretty discussing, but, we have an **Identity Crisis**." "Why?" "**The Finger**, has no fingerprint." "What?" "Cut off, like a carrot pealing." "Eww, thanks."

Warrick and Sofia had brought in the cleaner of the Bellagio. "How is your fingerprint on the lamp, when Carl John, the owner of the Bellagio says that all cleaning staff must wear gloves?" "Are you accusing me?" "Yea, and the evidence says you did it." "NO! I wouldn't!" "Ah, **The Burden Of Proof**."

Cath and Gil were talking to a preacher, last to see the boys alive. "The evidence points to you." "I would never go against the hypocritical oath." "**Primum Non Nocere**. Do not harm others**." "**Yes, I would never.**" **"Somewhere here there is a **Felonius Monk**.**" **Gil's phone started to ring. "Grissom. Yeah, OK. Where are you? We're on our way.**" "**Brass is **Chasing The Bus **with a monk on it.**"**

Warrick was getting fed up with this guy. "OK, buddy. We know it is you. End of." Sofia though some pictures on the table. "These are pictures from your camera aren't they." "Yea, so." "You are a **Stalker**. You stalked them, all 6!" He smirked "7." Warrick looked up. "7?" "Yea, you're missing a camera." "Who is the 7th victim?" "They were supposed to show up at the party, but they didn't." "Who?" "They got called out. Said they couldn't make it to their boyfriend. They spend their life at their job." "WHO?" Warrick stood up and hit is hands on the desk. "It's hard to stalk a workaholic called Sara Sidle." "Get up." The guy stood. "'Cuff him." Warrick turned to Sofia. "He'll get life, threatening a law official." "Do we tell Sara?" "Her boyfriend's gone missing, she'll figure it out soon, but, we should tell her."

"So, Greg, what have you got form that fiber?" "Well, Sara, It's from a carpet specially made for a hotel called **Cats in the Cradle**." "I've heard of that place." From the desk they heard Judy shout for Sara. "Sidle!" Sara ran up to her. "Yea." "Two parcels for you, sign here." "Thanks." She practically ran to the break room. Nick and Greg followed. They got there just in time to see Sara ripping open the parcels and out came two books. "Yay!" Nick picked one up. "**Anatomy of a Lye**?" "Yeah, gimme." Greg picked the other up. "**Cross Jurisdictions**?" "Gimme, I'll back in a min, gunna put these in my locker. Can't wait to show Hugh!" "Hugh?" "Shut up Greg."

If you don't review, **The Hunger Artist** will come and get you!


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